Thursday, September 4, 2008

Top Model Inauguration

For a while America's Next Top Model has teetered on the edge of crazy, but this season the show plunged into the deep end of the insanity pool.

The premiere of Cycle 11began with the two J’s emerging in futuristic robot outfits in front of the Top Model Institute of Technology – where “We build better models.” First of all it has to be asked, what on earth (past, present or future) is going on with Mr. J’s – excuse me, Alpha J’s – hair?! It looks like they put a wet cat on top of his head. Second, when you see the show’s promo poster (shown above) you aren’t exactly thinking 2001: A Space Odyssey Gone HORRIBLY Wrong. Where’s the connection here people?

Oh but it got better (or worse, depending on your view). The Glaminator machine spits out a robotic Tyra. I had to blink my eyes in a few rapid successions just to make sure I wasn’t sleeping (since I watched the show after midnight). Then there were the special effect graphics that were off the chain… and I’ll leave it at that.

Wow, all that and I have yet to make mention of any of the model participants. Here were my initial standouts (and not solely because I thought they would win this season):

♥ Britney B. (one of 3 Britney’s; she later becomes Sharaun): girl brings her lucky underwear with her and gives them to Miss J. The underwear will reappear multiple times during the second half of the premiere. She becomes the last girl selected in the final 14 where she then cries into the lucky underwear. Disturbing, child.

♥ Analeigh: the former figure skater that was sold to an Arabian (is that the PC term?) prince, but managed to get out of it. I have to give my props to her because she’s from my hometown area of Sacramento (woot, woot!).

♥ Isis: Ah, the much anticipated black sheep of the season that will replace Tyra’s plus-sized pet projects. Isis was spotted when she was a background model in a Cycle 10 shoot and when Tyra said she had to be on the show, she was informed that Isis was transgender. I give the girl props for putting herself out there and while hoping to represent the transgender community, really just wants to win this for herself.

♥ Lindsey: While she didn’t make the final cut, first thing I thought about her was she was the plus-size-Whitney-look-alike, which was said later by some of the judges.

♥ Nikeysha: girl came in throwing around her fake boob bra inserts. Mmmm, k.

♥ Susan: the wannabe model who majored in English and American Liturature and Language at Harvard but can’t name a famous English Lit heroine. Guess my English degree from SDSU isn’t looking all that bad. Poor Harvard girl didn’t have the brains or the looks to make the final cut.

♥ Hannah: little miss innocent from Alaska got chased by a moose – where’s Sarah Palin when you need her?

Hour One had a lot going on, but to me, the second hour was a bit unexciting comparatively. I think it’s because the wet cat fell off Mr. J’s head, Tyra took off her silver lipstick and there were no more rockin graphics.

The first challenge had to do with the 2008 presidential elections and the goal was for the girls to make voting sexy. I’m not really sure what some of these girls had in mind, but they weren’t making voting look any more appealing to me. I couldn’t really pick one shot that really stood out to me to be the best. I want to like Marjorie, but her nervous tick is a bit obnoxious.

Marjorie became the eventual winner, despite the fact that some of the judges thought her photo was flat. Tyra loved the photo, which makes me wonder if any of the other judges’ inputs really matter.

The bottom two were Sharaun and Nikeysha. Sharaun brought along her lucky underwear again but it wasn’t enough for her to escape elimination and she became the first girl to go home.

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